Saturday, 27 September 2014

The Bachelor Canada: Season 2, Episode 2 Recap: They're Still Pretending It's California

Welcome to Episode 2 of the Bachelor Canada! To sum it up: it's still freezing outside. Here's the longer version of what went down:

The Ballerina Falls

Tim offers his first date to Kaylynn, the very sensitive ballerina. He's looking for a girl who sobs easily.

I'm impressed that The Bachelor Canada has the budget for a helicopter. They fly up to Grouse Mountain so they can go on a gondola. The post-apocalyptic landscape of snow and more snow makes them hungry - they actually eat the food. The Bachelor usually provides plastic inedible food so this is a change of pace.

Does anyone else find that Tim Warmels sounds like Tim Gunn from Project Runway? Also, I'm still hoping he'll shave.

Tim Warmels wears a bathrobe sweater
Tim Gunn is critical of bathrobe sweaters

On their date, Kaylynn talks about going to ballerina school, being teased, and only seeing her mom twice a year. What a lonely childhood and she's not over it. They talk about how "this does not feel weird at all" which is something you say when things feel a bit weird. Then she reveals to the camera that it's "the most unbelievable connection I've had in my whole life." Yikes. She gets the rose.

Row, Row, Row Your Dragonboat

It's early in the season with too many women so they set up a big date where two teams compete for Tim. Blue Team: Alison, Dominique, Lisa, Renée, and Sachelle. Yellow Team: April Burlesque, Jenny, Martha, Rileigh, and Trisha.

Vancouver in the winter? Perfect for a dragonboat race! Tim is rowed into the scene by some miserable looking drangon-boaters in the freezing rain. He holds a bullhorn while the contestants humiliate themselves to get a moment of Tim's attention. The Yellow Team wins because Jenny is a personal trainer.  They head to some Chinese gardens and are further degraded by being forced to wear matching cheongsams (I googled it, that's what those dresses are called).

They toast to losing all traces of dignity and individuality. Then the dragon on the top left bites off Trisha's head.

We learn that April Burlesque was raised on a hippie farm and has a stage name of Suicide Stacy because that's how a hippie child rebels. We also learn that Trisha has been "obsessed" with pageants since she was a little girl. They allow swearing on The Bachelor Canada, and Rileigh wants "fake Tim" to "cut the s&*%." Rileigh, they would have to cut the whole show to do that.

The rose goes to Trisha. Tim's like a bull: Totally attracted to red flags.

Photo Shoot It's Raining Again

Tim "surprises" the ladies in their PJs. They just happen to be all standing around the kitchen in negligees. Fun fact: the word "negligee" comes from the French word for neglected. Like how Tim neglects to shave always.

The four-on-one date is a Rimmel photo shoot with Sonya, Christine, Natalie, and April Not Burlesque. Tim gets to pick one woman for a date after the shoot. This is getting redundant, but it's freezing cold and raining outside.

Christine and Tim lounge in bathing suits and we get a nice shot of his Cinderella carriage tattoo, which he reveals is a cover up for another tattoo. A former lover's name perhaps?

April Not Burlesque gets a cute houndstooth dress. 

April hovers over the stubble

In their photo shoot, Natalie and Tim kiss and she has "hearts spinning around me like a cartoon." Bleh, she'll be over him soon enough. Sonya (who Tim calls "mature") is sent home in a Hyundai due to lack of chemistry. She seems nice, but she kind of looked like his aunt in those photos. 

The other three contestants stand around in their bathrobes and Tim picks April for the one-on-one. Tim and April hang out under a blanket, do meta-talk about The Relationship, and watch one of the better musical acts I've seen on this show. No idea who the singer was but the song was vaguely familiar so that's better than usual.

Jealousy and White Wine Don't Mix

A difference from the American show: Bachelor Canada has bartenders at rose ceremonies. And earlier, Tim opened his own bottle of alcohol. I know you really care about these details so you're welcome.

Kaylynn is losing it. She has a rose yet feels completely insecure. Martha tries to comfort her but her approach is too direct and Kaylynn feels invalidated. She is allowed to have her FEELINGS and why is Martha such a bully?

Kaylynn confuses "talking" with "bullying"

Everyone moves outside for the hypothermic rose ceremony. Roses go to:

April Burlesque (AKA Suicide Stacy - anyone else feel uncomfortable with this name?)
Christine who sang a song last week
Sachelle not seashell
Martha the Bully
Dominique from Quebec
Jenny who can row
Lisa the evil redhead
April Not Burlesque
Rileigh who wants Tim to keep it real on a fake show
Natalie the French teacher

Going home: Alison (Habs fan from Montreal) and Renée, the ER doctor who has better things to do. Tim has lipstick on his collar.

It's not over yet. Tim, attracted by a red flag goes to talk to Kaylynn who is full on crying, saying she "can't stand bullying" even though no one did that. He comforts her and she's calmed and the dysfunctional dynamic of their relationship is established. 

Next week they go to Cabo because it's a reasonably priced destination and people are getting frostbite.

Canadians can also build pyramids

I'm underwhelmed by Tim Horton with the Tim Gunn voice, but I'll watch anyway. See you next week!

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