Tuesday, 23 June 2015

The Bachelorette Recap with Kaitlyn Week 6: Trouble Brewing

Things are ramping up this season! Let's recap:

Reasons Why Ian Will NOT Be the Bachelor

If you recall, we left off last week with Ian telling Kaitlyn why she's terrible. I don't get it. If this guy wanted to be the next Bachelor he made some serious tactical mistakes. You'd think someone from Princeton should know better. Here are the issues:

1. Ian used Kaitlyn's rejection as an excuse to be rude. 
2. People who are "deep" don't talk about being deep.  
3. Bragging about Princeton while acting like this = Princeton is disowning you now.
4. You can't blame someone for being superficial and complain in the reject limo how you just need some action. 

Kaitlyn stood up for herself well. The worst part was Ian saying he wanted to meet a woman who was crushed due to Chris. What kind of Rescuer Complex does this guy have? Any why bother complaining about qualities that Kaitlyn can't even change?!? If she's too superficial, being told she's superficial will NOT solve any issues. He should have just left gracefully. Ian shall be booed at Women Tell All. 

Didn't take Manners 101 at Princeton

Rose Ceremony at the Alamo

The problem with the rose ceremony cliffhangers is that we forget the names by the time Monday rolls around. 

As a Canadian, I have no context for the Alamo. I'm glad Chris Harrison was stoked, but for me I'm just like: I know about snow and Tim Hortons and Texan history goes right over my head.

Already have roses: Nick the gatecrasher, Ben H. the boy next door, Shawn the trainer who smells nice.

Roses go to:  Jared with the sparse beard, Chris the dentist who'd pull his tooth for a rose (AKA The Hangover dental move), JJ the less evil with Clint gone, Kentucky Joe, Ben Z. the large, and Tanner who is shocked he's kept around. We are shocked too, Tanner. But if there is a mass exodus next week, you may make it to the next European location! More on that later.

No roses for you: Justin of no airtime, and sorry 'ol welded-a-rose Joshua. I forgot that Joshua's hair was so awful. He should have buzzed off the half-hawk hairdo.

Kaitlyn and Nick and can't keep their hands off each other. Shawn, who IMHO, is a better catch/match is being driven bananas from being dethroned as a frontrunner. 

You were robbed, dude

Dublin All Over Each Other

Wherever this show travels, someone says: "X CITY is the BEST PLACE TO FALL IN LOVE!" This week, it's Dublin. The real answer is Paris is the best city to fall in love. Dublin is the best place to get a pint and hang out with a leprechaun. 

The first and only one-on-one date goes to Nick. They watch buskers on the street and join some Irish dancers. The Irish are not impressed with Nick's dancing, as evidenced by this reaction:

The PDA (Public Display of Affection) score for this date was a 10 on 10. Pub, cathedral, Kaitlyn's hotel room - this date was the ultimate in touchy and slurpy. Nick and Kaitlyn are either staring at each other with weirdly suppressed smiles that annoy me incredibly, or they are attached at the mouth. 


Something was going to happen and it happened. Like, everything, happened. And it all went down while some creepy cameraman stood outside and filmed a closed door. That is so weird. 

Do Not Disturb

Next morning, Nick casually walks out of Kaitlyn's room while Kaitlyn freaks out on the balcony. Nick meets back up with the guys and yadda yadda yaddas his date experience: "She freaked out from birds in the park, we went to a cathedral, I went back to her room, and yadda yadda yadda." 

"Wake" Up and Realize this is a Bad Idea 

Tanner, Ben Z., Shawn, Jared, Ben H. and Chris all look like a bunch of chumps on the group date. After the night Kailtyn just had, there is no way she can concentrate on these dudes. Kaitlyn pretends to be dead on this date. Metaphorically, this kind of makes sense. She's a goner once they find out what went on with Nick. 

The idea for this date was that Kaitlyn pretends to be dead in a tiny skinny coffin while the men eulogize her, as if at a wake. How cruel to bring big Ben Z. on this date, who lost his mom as a kid. He was trying so hard to hold it together. Afterward the men say, "that was more fun than I expected" which is code for, "terrible idea for a date." 

So weird

The group rose goes to Jared who gets a private concert with Kaitlyn. Yay, it's the Cranberries, who sing that great 1993 song, Linger! I'm not being sarcastic, I love that song. Personally, I'm torn. On the one hand, this is my favourite group and song to be on this show ever. But I'm feeling really bad for the Cranberries that they are doing this cheesy concert. The singer looked a little embarrassed. Hard times in Dublin these days. 

The lyrics of Linger make sense for this show: "You have me wrapped around your finger/Do you have to let it linger?" Kaitlyn probably already knows who she's picking (Nick or Shawn?) - the rest are subjected to the equivalent of a bandaid being pulled off verrrry sloooowly. 

Closing her eyes because the reality's too awful 

Bad Things Ahead

Shawn feels that something's off. He felt like he was the frontrunner, and he was. Until Nick and his trying-hard-not-to-smirk-face showed up. Funny that we never heard Nick say that he is falling in love with Kaitlyn. Now that they've spent the night, I wonder if the chemistry will be dampened a bit.

Shawn's reaction is totally normal. He doesn't want to wait until the fantasy suite dates so he can be one of three, um, "night-spenders." Ya, this show makes zero sense. Shawn goes to Kailyn's room to see if he can get a little clarity. This cannot end well. 

Same couch, new day

I think that Kaitlyn is going to get a lot of flak for her actions in social media and elsewhere. It saddens me that there is a double standard for women. On previous seasons of the Bachelor, Clare was judged for her ocean time with Juan Pablo, and Courtney was judged for her ocean time with Ben. No one ever judges the guys. Let's not judge anyone. It's their bodies and they can do what they want with them. I'm even sorry to see Kaitlyn be so hard on herself. Kaitlyn is honest so she will want to tell the guys what happened, but it won't go over well. As if Juan Pablo was revealing his ocean escapades to the other women on his season. 

Next week, every guy is either crying or storming off. I really hope that Kentucky Joe sticks around, he's one guy that intrigues me but we never see him talk. It's hard to say who will bolt. And can Nick really stick around once the men find out? How will Shawn deal with this? I really can't wait to find out what happens.

Britt Update

Britt's mom calls it: Brady is in the friendzone. I bet the producers were like: Just date him until you do a hometown, then dump him. We'll pay you. Maybe Britt should come back to the group, post-Brady dumpage. Now that would be interesting!

This dog wants to know how this will all sort out

Drink Guinness, and see ya next week!


Tuesday, 16 June 2015

The Bachelorette with Kaitlyn, Week 5: Reasons Why One May Be Single

It's Week Five and it's time to cull the herd and fall in love already. Here's your recap + commentary:

And You're OUT!

We left off with everyone hating Nick. This week's cocktail party and rose ceremony happened at the baseball stadium for the Mets. Nothing happened other than JJ carrying Kaitlyn around the bases wearing Pepto-Bismol coloured socks. Everyone was shivering like crazy for the rose ceremony.

This situation is not awkward or weird at all

Already had roses: Justin the permissive, Jared sparse beard, and cupcake dentist Chris

Still in the game (roses): Ben H. the cute software guy, Shawn the frontrunner, big Ben Z., Tanner who's going soon, Kentucky Joe, egomaniac Ian, JJ of two faces, Joshua the jealous, and Nick the week 4 crasher.

Out: Jonathan who liked Britt better anyway, Corey the banking dude, and Ryan the unknown. Kaitlyn had zero chemistry with any of these guys. We hath already forgotten their existence.

Don't you love how Chris Harrison shows up in a warm coat and scarf and walks across that whole field just to announce Gentlemen, this is the final rose for tonight. There is only one rose sitting there we can see it.

Easy for Chris H. to collect a paycheque

Yo San Antonio

Everyone travels to Texas because international plane tickets would be too costly at this stage. This week and last week, there's a lot of posing around a couch in a dingy hotel room.

Not the way people normally hang out

Let's talk about Nick: Maybe Nick is here for The Wrong Reasons, but why is he more suspect than the rest of the contestants? Yes, Nick often has an I-secretly-stole-the-last-cookie smile. It's annoying, I get it. But his intentions are not automatically more suspect than the rest of these dudes who went on TV to woo a mystery woman. Anyone could be here for Wrong Reasons (fame, self-promotion, travel) rather than to actually find a soulmate. The guys need to shed their insecurities. Do you really want to marry a woman who prefers another guy over you? Don't you want your wife to like you best, not just as a default? Nick said this about his relationship with Andi, and he had a point. Rant over.

Date with Ben H.: Two-Steppin'

Kaitlyn and Ben H. go two-stepping which is like square dancing but in couple format. I just made that up, I have no clue what this dance is. In the oldest dance hall in Texas, Kaitlyn and Ben H. meet the oldest two-stepper ever.

Still steppin'

Ben H. is sweet and normal and there is not enough chemistry here. But I see Bachelor potential with this guy. He meets all the criteria: Nice, cute, non-controversial, has a job, says logical things.

Nice teeth, too

As an aside, guess whether this is a real car or a toy car:

Beep beep!

Group Date: Mariachi OMG PLEASE STOP

On this group date we've got Justin, Jared, Ian, Chris, Tanner, Joe, JJ, Ben Z., Joshua, and Nick. The "Humiliation Competition Date" is becoming a genre for this season. We'll call it an HCD. On this HCD, the men must beat out a 12-year old Mariachi kid named Sebastian to win Kaitlyn's heart. He's the karate kid of Mariachi, so watch out. I can't tell what's worse, the outfits or the singing.

If you don't find this funny I can't hang with you

Ian and Joshua bomb particularly bad, and this leads to insecurity that makes them go loco later in the episode. Nick wins because he makes a raunchy rhyme with the word "connection." This blog is PG so use your imagination. Later, he wins the date rose.

At the after-party, Joshua's misguided attempt at getting a haircut from Kaitlyn (why??) results in a hairstyle that can only be described as a chop-hawk. The other men are hysterically laughing. Kentucky Joe is so polite, he tried to hold it in. But the laugh found its escape:

The laugh comes out with the cocktail

If the chop-hawk weren't enough, Joshua nominates himself as the Deputy Commissioner of the Right Reasons Police. And Nick's on his Most Wanted List. Joshua loses here because he's focusing more on Nick than on getting to know Kaitlyn. His insecurities come out as anger and it's très unattractive. When Kaitlyn asks the group whether they agree with Joshua that Nick is terrible (Joshua insists that all the men hate Nick) the guys smartly stay quiet. No one else is going to say they find Nick annoying if Kaitlyn likes him. That's like telling Kaitlyn that her judgement is terrible. Joshua can't weld himself out of this mess. 

Date with Shawn: Love at First Smell

Kaitlyn loves how Shawn talks and smells, but worries that this seems creepy. Not at all, Kaitlyn! The voice and smell of the man are essential. If you don't like these in your man, dump him immediately. The smell can only get worse so choose the best smelling guy you can. The nose knows. Shawn's voice is rather soothing. Does anyone else think that he sounds like a younger version of "Mike" from Breaking Bad:

Could be Shawn's uncle

Kailtyn and Shawn go kayaking and hang out in swimsuits. At the evening portion of the date, we learn one terrible thing about Shawn: He doesn't wear his seatbelt! That kind of recklessness went out of style in the 80s. Luckily, he was wearing a seatbelt the day his jeep got hit and rolled over six times into a snowbank. After months in the hospital, Shawn made a full recovery. And, he admits to falling in love with Kaitlyn! And she feels the same way! If this guy doesn't make final two, I'll be shocked. The date ends with a ride in a canoe and fireworks.

Ahead of the pack

Shawn is a good match for Kaitlyn. He's honest and sincere, and he has a good look. He seems to like her jokes and they smile a lot together. They seem very natural, but with chemistry. Team Shawn!

An Ego Inflates and Bursts

Really confident people don't need to PROVE how great they are. Ian seemed so promising, but he really lost it this week. He's not on Kaitlyn's radar, and after losing the Aladdin casting call last week, and botching the mariachi song this week, he's feeling down. To pump himself up, he lists all of his qualities to the camera: a) Princeton grad, b) former model (until baldness set in?), c) "defied death" and d) been around the world a couple of times. Okay, I guess he should win, right? WRONG! This is about a making a match, not having the best CV.

Ian takes himself too seriously, and Kaitlyn is the opposite. These two have no common ground. Thus, no chemistry. Ian takes it personally, though. Ian: no one should ever say: I am a gift that you unwrap for life. You also shouldn't brag about all the "chicks" that love you and all the action you get. Ian is right that he has the CV to be the bachelor, but he lacks the self-awareness to know that you should NEVER SAY THINGS LIKE THIS OUT LOUD. There is a difference between self-esteem and an ego balloon. 

Being mean to the Bachelorette = no chance at being the next Bachelor

The episode ends with Ian confronting Kaitlyn, lashing out because he feels ignored. He calls her "all surface" and "shallow" and says she's just there to make out with dudes on TV. Well, ya she is, this is the Bachelorette after all! But that point aside, if Ian is so popular with the ladies, why did he go on this show? Ian needs to think about why he is single. In fact, let's talk about all the reasons why any of these wanna-be-husbands could be single:

1. Still young
2. No game 
3. Deep down, doesn't really want to get married
4. Bored after the chase is over
5. No one is good enough
6. Bad relationship judgement
7. Wasn't ready until recently
8. Demons (e.g., gambling or drinking problem)
9. No one to date in a rural area, AKA, Arlington Syndrome
10. Missing charisma, humility and a sense of humour, AKA JJ Syndrome

Fun game: Match the contestant to the reason(s). Ben H. is still young, Joshua has no game, Shawn wasn't ready until recently. Kentucky Joe has no one to date in his town, JJ is JJ. I'm guessing that Ian is a #5 and #10 combo. Nick may be a #3 and #4 combo. 

On this show, everyone is operating under the presumption of I just haven't met the right person yet. This may be true for many people, but there may be other, hidden reasons. My list is not exhaustive, but this is a blog not a thesis so we will move on now. 

Oh I forgot that Jared says he's falling in love too. Kaitlyn also forgot because she's so focused on Nick and Shawn.

Darn it, another cliffhanger! Guess we have to wait to see Kaitlyn eliminate Ian (for sure) and likely Joshua, and maybe Tanner. Next week may be the heavy breathing episode that they've been advertising all season. Better put your seatbelt on (I'm talking to you, Shawn)! 

If only all cliffhangers were so cute

See you next week!

Tuesday, 9 June 2015

The Bachelorette with Kaitlyn, Week 4: Lose a Villain, Gain a Villain

If we've learned anything so far, it's that being on this show is not the most relaxing way to meet a husband. Here's your recap of Week 4!

Bromance Was a Fauxmance

Clint and JJ were true besties. Until Kaitlyn broke up with Clint. 

Clint: I'm ready to make power moves!
Kaitlyn: Nope, I don't want to marry you.
Clint: JJ is my bestie.
Kaitlyn: Um, we weren't even talking about JJ...
Clint: I've been honest with you! I'm just scared of something, or whatever words that maybe sound good.
Kaitlyn: I don't trust you, see ya. Men, say bye-bye to Clint.
Men: Thanks, we hate him, but why is JJ still here? 
JJ: Clint, be a good boy and apologize to the group,
Clint: Get out of my face, JJ. Don't touch me! And your tie is terrible.
JJ: We are close talking here, like there is only an inch between our faces

Broken bromance

Group Date: Rapping in NYC/The Men are Hating on Nick V./Kaitlyn Can't Really See/Nick's Just Andi's Debris

Kaitlyn and the rest of the men head to NYC. The first group date is with Jonathan Father of Skye, Ben Z. the Large, Ryan Realtor, JJ the Spurned, Justin Who, The Only Corey Left, Tanner Who Comments, and Shawn Gosling. 

It's a rap battle hosted by Doug E. Fresh. I don't remember him from the 80s but he was apparently there. Shawn only knows country and JJ only knows show tunes. The men were pitted against each other. Surprisingly, Corey the Investment Banker was the only decent one. JJ managed to expand his circle of hate to the audience by calling NYC women: hos. Boooo!

"JJ, you're supposed to be insulting me, not the audience dude."

But, wait, who is there in the audience. It's Eyelashley from last season (Farmer Chris) with Nick Viall (runner-up from Andi's season). Clint is gone so they needed an extra villain. Kaitlyn seems in awe when Nick says he wants to join the show. Nick has this constant annoying smile that says: I'm trying to manipulate you while looking cute and I'm getting away with it. 

"I would totally regret not being on TV again"
If Nick wanted to date Kaitlyn, he had a chance before she became the Bachelorette. He could have done it through this platform called the Real Life Show. Instead, he was non-committal and had a Twitter conversation. But now that she's on TV, right before the international travels, Nick is totally into her. Kaitlyn buys what he is selling and I'm screaming "no" at the television. Kaitlyn, he's not a movie star or anything, why do you look like this:

As if you are debating this

Nick is just some smarmy guy that no other guys liked on Andi's season. At least JJ had one friend for 3 weeks. Kaitlyn has totally decided to bring Nick on the show. She can't stop smiling and the guys on the rapping date are so threatened. Their Entertainment Cruise is a total bust and it doesn't look like the boat is even moving. Kaitlyn rewards Justin with the date rose because he's the only guy to say that she can do what she wants. I'm not sure Kaitlyn even knows his name. "My date rose goes to the guy with no spine!" 

Kaitlyn continues to pretend to debate the Nick-or-Not situation as Ashley S. from last season does Kaitlyn's hair. Ashley S. is completely logical in her advice to Kaitlyn and looks like this:

What Ashley S. thinks about the "chemistry" with Nick

Kaitlyn meets Nick and of course says to come on board. He's already kissed her so might as well bring him along. All the guys are so mad that another dude is coming on the show. They seem to be overreacting because what's one more guy? Any woman would want a choice from more guys rather than fewer guys. Ben H. (software salesperson) has the most confidence in the situation. Potential bachelor for next season?

One-on-One: Meet at the Met

Jared Sparse Beard looks like he has pink eye, but it may just be permanent damage from the boxing date. Here's hoping for pink eye! Kaitlyn is so distracted she's not even noticing Jared's puppy dog love talk as they walk through the Metropolitan Museum of Art, very overdressed. The art is completely wasted on both of them. Then Jared comes up with the worst poem ever. Men: Stop writing bad rhyming poetry. He's channelling Chris, winner of Desiree's season. If a guy wrote me a poem like that it would be a deal breaker. The couple goes on a helicopter and Kaitlyn is just happy that Jared is not yelling at her about Nick, so she gives him the date rose.

One person is WAY more into this kiss than the other

Group Date: Broadway for Middle Schoolers

Every group date this season is a competition with a live audience component. At least this one doesn't involve punching! Thank goodness The Healer eliminated himself already, he would not be down with any of this. So on this commercial for Aladdin the Musical, the men compete for a walk-on role with Kaitlyn by singing and dancing very badly. The men go through Broadway casting to try to get the role. Kaitlyn is so proud that they guys keep humiliating themselves "for her". Kaitlyn, let me tell you about this thing called peer pressure

Joshua the Welder feels out of place and recalls punching hay bales to vent anger. Ian sings well but has no connection with Kaitlyn. Kentucky Joe is terrible but there is something so charming about him. Ben H. muddles through. Cupcake Chris the dentist overacts himself to the win! The reward is the smallest of parts that Kaitlyn and Chris manage to kind of mess up anyway. On stage, they have pasted on smiles like 10-year olds in the Christmas Pageant. They are led off the stage by an actor in purple:

"Okay, move it along before you ruin the show"

Then they get in trouble for talking too loudly backstage. Kaitlyn and Chris end the date by standing next to the Times Square New Year's Eve ball. It's not New Year's Eve so the ball is just kind of sitting there, inert. The chemistry between these two is equally compelling.

Another Cliffhanger, Awwww

The show ends with Nick going up the hotel elevator with a maniacal elevator operator who should be in horror movies. Why was he smiling like that? And why do you need an elevator operator in 2015 when there are buttons with the numbers so easy to press? So many questions. We must wait for the rose ceremony. The previews show Kaitlyn looking deeply disappointed by Ian and Joshua.

A Miracle for Brady

Brady knows he is lucky to have circumvented the whole show and get a direct route to Britt. It's like Free Parking in Monopoly. He asks, "How did I get so lucky." I could explain but we all know why. Britt had the choice of a happy ending romance over nothingness, and nothingness lost. For now anyway.

How does she get her hair to do that??

See ya next week!

Tuesday, 2 June 2015

The Bachelorette, Week 3 recap: It's Sumo, Snakes and School For Kaitlyn

In case you haven't heard, Chris and Whitney are broken up but no reasons have been given. The corn stands alone. At least The Bachelorette is very entertaining as the producers shake things up. Let's bachcap!

Rose Ceremony Cliffhanger

The drama with Kupah was overblown. He spoke loudly when interviewed, Kaitlyn got him to whisper, and he left in a limo, drink in hand.  Kupah took the cuppah whiskey! What's he going to do with that empty glass at the airport?

Already have roses:
Clint from the underwater photography date
JJ whom Amy Schumer called a turd
Ben Z. for giving Jared a concussion

Roses go to*:
Jared the Concussed
Ben H. Software Salesman
First Impression Shawn (frontrunner)
Jonathan, Father of Skye
Tanner Gave Tissues to Britt
Chris Cupcake Dentist
Ryan the Realtor
Justin who Gets no Airtime
Ian Survived the Hit and Run
Joshua the Lonely Welder
Kentucky Joe
Corey not Cory
Tony the Healer

*multiple contestants have black eyes from the boxing

Sent packing:
Cory not Corey
Daniel the Fashion Designer

Let's Have Sumo Fun!

After a gong wake-up alarm, the first date starts. Here come Yama and Byamba the sumo wrestlers. They'd make fun bachelors, but they're only here for one day.

Clint ("Clint-o"), Chris, Tony, JJ, Joe, and Shawn are on the date. As Joe explains, they are given a giant fire hose to wear. When on, it's a diaper-thong. Now they must face the sumo wrestlers. In the most pixelated sequence ever, Yama and Byamba fling the bachelors out of a circle.

Healer Tony sports a greasy ponytail and sunglasses. He feels confident about beating a sumo wrestler but is flung to another zip code. Here's the deal: Tony has zero sense of humour. Even his funny bone is morose. He sees the date as an actual competition rather than as a ridiculous way to make fun of yourself.

Tony explains, he sees the world through the eyes of a child, he has the heart of a warrior, and he has the soul of a gypsy. Tony's basically saying he doesn't get stuff, he has a short fuse, and he can't commit. But I like this as a game. Let's play.
I see the world through the eyes of....an adult.
I have the heart of...a couch potato.
I have the soul of...a person who feels that soul-talk is weird.

Okay, less fun when I do it.

Tony misses all he loves: a) business, b) dog, c) bonzai tree. He complains to Kaitlyn that she hasn't seen the right side of him because the dates are too aggressive. Advice to Tony: The sulky, humourless side of you is a SIDE. Focus on the woman instead of impression management. But yup, this season's dates may injure you for life.

Tony bails out on the next part, so that's a relief. The next part = Bachelors fling each other out of the ring in an exhibition. Spectators, including some shocked young teenagers, watch man parts slip out of sumo-wraps. Apparently, Kentucky Joe's left gold nugget made a lengthy appearance. Tony self-eliminates and goes back to the Bonzai. At the cocktail portion of the date, Clint acts too cool and disappoints Kaitlyn. Shawn, closely related to Ryan Gosling, and perhaps a distant cousin of Alf, gets the date rose.


Cousin Ryan

Great-Uncle Alf

Babe Soda and Bugs in the Basement

Chris Harrison puts Kaitlyn on a surprise date with hunky Ben Z., who she calls a Babe Soda. They go this haunted house thing called the Basement. I looked it up, this is a real experience you can have in LA for $30. Us viewers were not given the premise to make this experience make more sense. Here it is: You've been kidnapped by a serial killer and need to figure out clues as a team to make your escape. Hope you caught the disclaimer on the screen: the insects and animals are not part of the usual experience. Just added for fun, I guess. That must have been one fun clean up.

Not the scariest thing in that room

We learn that Kaitlyn fears birds and Ben Z. fears snakes. Bet you the birds fear the snakes, and the bugs fear the birds, and the snakes fear that weird guy hiding under the sheets. Basically, everyone in that room was terrified and maybe pooping a little. The whole event was more revolting than scary with the hanging limbs and having to grab something out of a filthy toilet. Pheh. Kaitlyn and Ben Z. escape the room, but Ben Z. deserves all the credit for solving the clues. The couple dip in a pool of Purell and have a calm snuggly evening. Ben Z. opens up about losing his mom at a young age (so sad) and he gets a rose.

Group Date: More Birds Plus Bees

This is odd, but I find the Birds and Bees date more twisted than the sumo wrestling or haunted house. The bachelors (Jonathan, Ben H., Joshua, Ryan, Jared, Tanner) are given lesson plans to teach health (sex ed) to 10-11 year old children. But the children are really actors, except no one seems to tell the guys this, even after the date is over. I can't believe the parents of these actors signed off on this.

Joshua the Welder, who didn't kiss a girl until college, learned everything he knows from the cows on his farm. The worst was watching him explain menstruation. Beware, your uterus will die! Ben H., who was a youth worker, does the best and scores the date rose. He was not on the radar until this week. Nice to meet you Ben H.!

Bromance Showmance

JJ and Clint have huge egos that fell in love with each other. Big deal. These guys make my feminism hurt. "Villains gotta Villain," they toast. Oh get over yourselves. I don't care if this is ego-love, physical love, or friend-love, it's obnoxious. JJ wants the other guys to get voted out to "let the big dogs hunt." His ex-wife's friends are watching this show and going, "okay, it was worse than I thought."

Kaitlyn gets the dirt on JJ and Clint as The Wrong Reasons Police tattle. Kaitlyn pulls a Farmer Chris and uses the intel to justify a confrontation (remember when Eyelashley told on Kelsey). How is JJ getting a pass, he's even worse?!?

Next Week

Yet another rose cliffhanger. I guess two guys whom no one remembers will get voted out. And Kaitlyn confronts Clint. Better make room for another villain because Nick from Andi's season is coming back and Kaitlyn's into it. The guys are not gonna like this. More drama, people!

Tune in for sumo Bachelorette next week!