Tuesday, 29 July 2014

The Bachelorette Finale: Andi's Final Rose and the Shame That Follows

The Scene

The Bachelor studio is crammed with votives and rose arrangements. The lighting is low. The mood is wedding meets memorial service. Chris Harrison's eyes gleam with anticipation. It's Final Rose, ya'll. We are promised a "dramatic ending you won't see coming." Most of us saw it coming. Except for Nick's Fantasy Not-So-Sweet Revelation. But more on that later.

Meet the Hy

Hy, Andi's father, is the Tony Soprano of this show. He looks like he may either hug or kill you.
Listen, let's get one thing straight, you mess with my daughter and cousin Vito pays you a visit.
At first, it seems like everyone in Andi's family is infected with scepticism-itis. But then they all cave and decide to accept both suitors - even with Nick's nervous giggling and Josh's trademark sweating. If Andi agrees to marry either guy, Hy promises NOT to send out a hit on them.

Josh Gets the Yacht and Nick Gets a Jeep: A Metaphor for Feelings

The guy who gets the yacht date is more beloved than the guy who is stuck driving through the mud. The only question Andi has about Josh is: "Is this too good to be true?" (I checked, this is not a real question). Josh says he "knows everything" about Andi. Sure, he does, until the love goggles wear off and someone has to wipe the counters and take out the garbage, and Andi's all, "I don't do that crap" and Josh has to eat his words, yo.

Josh gives Andi a personalized Baseball Card of Confidence, writing her name as "Andi Murray" on the card. I like that he lists her weaknesses on the card (plays no games, can't dance) - this is refreshing in a show that suffers from excess suck-uppage.

On Nick's date, she's pulling back a bit from the kisses. But she's seeming somewhat into him. She says their relationship is intense, intellectual, and passionate.

But Josh is picking out rings. And Andi's at Nick's door looking frowny. Uh-oh.

Ye Ole Interlude of Uselessness

"I herald the end of your relationship!"
Why must Chris ask previous contestants about their thoughts? Most inane moment: Chris Host asks Chris Farmer what he thinks about Andi being at Nick's door.

It's obvious Nick's a goner, but C-Farmer is too polite to say so. C-Host pushes it, saying: "But, do you think it's a GOOD thing?" What do you want him to say, C-Host? That it's the relationship equivalent of stepping on a colony of fire ants? (BTW, that's the correct answer. "It's like being swarmed by angry wasps" will also be credited as correct).

Andi Forgets How to Break Up

Andi was much better at breaking up earlier in the season. She cried, said nice things, did the whole "It's not you it's me" real convincingly. She drops the ball with Nick giving as her sole reason: a relationship with him would lead to too much "over-analyzing." She looks indignant and like she just wants him to disappear. (She's repeatedly texting the guy who drives the black "I've Dumped You" SUV: "Where r u already?!?") Nick doesn't buy it and asks outright if it's because she likes Josh more. Andi could have solved it all at this moment by coming clean. She does not, and this decision will haunt her.

Will You Marry Me and Baseball?

Josh is ready to propose. He admits that he finally found a love greater than Baseball. At this very moment, Baseball is crying, sitting on the couch with a pint of Ben & Jerry's. The rest goes as planned. A ring (sparkly and nice!), a proposal, and many kiss-pecks that look like aggressive birds feeding each other. Engagement, done!

After the Final Rose of Sadness

The Bachelorette has to work on its transitions. We go from the high of the proposal to the most depressing segments ever. Nick is sad, his pretty mom is crying, and Andi cares not at all about Nick's heartfelt note (written on scrap paper, no illustrations). It all looks staged, but there seems to be some truth in the fact that Andi was refusing to talk to Nick. Nick shows up on the stage in mourning attire.

Oh No You Didn', Nick

It's the moment where Nick finally gets to confront Andi. He can hardly articulate his thoughts, and jabbers unintelligibly, as he does when he's emotional. He then breaks a Bachelor(ette) taboo: He asks Andi why she made love to him in the Fantasy Suite if she didn't love him. Wowza.
"Prosecutor - You've been served!"
Nick calls Andi "cavalier" with her actions (and wins best use of a vocabulary word on this show). Andi is lawyer mad and goes on the offensive. She just wants this guy to disappear so she can start her happy life. But the comment lingers and Nick has a point - imagine how this would go over if the genders would have been reversed. You've just been Clare Crawleyed, Andi!

May the jury take note that Andi talked tales about her time in the Fantasy Suite with Juan Pablo the Despised. There is no resolution for Nick, and he slinks off, defeated by her defiance. Nick- Don't fret, I know you'll find a lady who appreciates intelligence, passion, and scarves. Anyone who can be so cold doesn't deserve you and your gaggle of siblings.

Let the Gloating Begin!

Andi and Josh look extremely happy. They may stand a chance! But it just feels like gloating after the misery that is Nick, and everyone feels a bit nauseated.

All's fair in love and baseball.
Chris Harrison Smells Blood

Not helping matters, we now transition to the purgatory created by Chris Harrison and his Producers of the Underworld, ironically named "Bachelor in Paradise." The previews show tears, crying, sobbing, physical harm, handcuffs, and...beaches? Chris Harrison smells blood and he's ready for a feeding.

A Grumpy Cat to Lighten the Mood

Then Grumpy Cat shows up because he frowns like Andi. Everyone forgets the trauma of this season because, you know, there's a cat! No one even cares that Chris Farmer is not announced as the next Bachelor. Except that's a lie and everyone cares, but they are pumping a scentless narcotic spray into the audience so everyone can't understand why they can't feel their extremities. Then the audience VIPs rush the stage, and the happy couple plays with the cat and all is okay in the world! THE END!

You're fooling no one with your happy ending.
Now get me some Meow Mix and a milk on the rocks.

I hope you enjoyed this season of the Bachelorette! Stay tuned for Bachelor in Paradise recaps!

Tuesday, 22 July 2014

The Men Tell All About Nothing

Men Tell All is the chance for Bachelor fans to sit in an audience and look crazed. It was like Ellen's 12 days of giveaways meets Oprah's favourite things.

"And every audience member will be going home with...um, nothing."

Let's Hope the Birth is Not Televised

Ashley and JP are cute together, but their judgement is put into question by having an ultrasound on TV. That technician looks like the male nurse from The Mindy Project. Ashley signed up for the Bachelor prenatal plan: Medical appointments may be televised, you can eat as much fake dinner food as you want, and Chris Harrison claims the soul of your unborn child.

"The soul thing was a joke, right?"
Juan Pablo is not brought back to talk about his love life. He's a Bachelor outcast now. Him and his no good pediatric nurse girlfriend. No juan likes you two no more. Juan more joke isn't so bad. I don't juanna stop even if it's annoying.

Bachelor in Paradise Torturefest

Only Chris Harrison (who may be the devil) is excited about Bachelor in Paradise (BIP). The BIP contestants all have this far away look like they just sat on a pushpin on national television and are trying not to cry. 

In the promos, the contestants remind me of a bunch of hamsters stuck in a box and repeatedly prodded with sticks. It just seems cruel. It's puzzling why these nice looking people can't find anyone to date in real life. Trusting Chris Harrison (known in some circles as Mephistopheles) to set them up is like Charlie Brown trusting Lucy with the football. They fall for it every time.

Love is just around the corner...psych!

Men Tell All Dress Code

Red pants. No socks or wacky socks. Better hair than on the actual season. 

Mr. Cookie Has a Seat

Marquel shows grace under pressure and deals with the Andrew (possible racist comment) situation adeptly. His maturity makes up for the fact that he is wearing a cookie broach. Loving those black and white cookies! Their last television appearance was on Seinfeld. Way to bring 'em back Marquie Marq. Marquel or Chris the Farmer for the next bachelor, please! 

This box is as empty as Chris Harrison's promises
Baby Blues

Marcus has awesome eyes, he's a cutie. When Chris Harrison (AKA evil incarnate) talks to him about Bachelor in Paradise, he looks like he'll cry. Marcus made a pacing error - moving ahead faster than the other person in the relationship. For this sin he is sent to break-up purgatory where he must watch footage of his errors for eternity.  

As an aside, bachelor breakups are so easy. Imagine dumping someone and a minute later they are shoved into a black SUV limo and driven to the airport. See ya, sucka.

The Farmer and the Belle

Chris from Iowa needs to know about the Farmer's Only dating website. Can someone please send him this information? Was Katra/Kendra/Petra (Chris's admirer from the audience) planted by the producers? You betcha. She claims to be from a "small town" in Canada which is later revealed to be Toronto. In case you were curious about Toronto facts: "Toronto is Canada's largest city, the fourth largest in North America, and home to a diverse population of about 2.8 million people." Just like Iowa! 

Chris B. Crashes the Party, Yet Again

Remember Chris B. from Emily's season? After he was on Bachelor Pad. Then he tried to get on Andi's season. Now he's on Bachelor in Paradise. He hangs out in the back lots in the off-season. He has one question for you: "Am I in?"

Andi Seems Pretty Happy

Summary: Sparkly dress, not pregnant (but unwilling to let random nurse manhandle her), does not care if Josh lies.

Bloopers are Better Than the Real Show

I really hoped they'd have Brian Basketball explain his pickle phobia (Freudians would have a field day with that one). I want a whole season of weird behaviour, toilet flushing, bad costumes, and Otrivin abuse. Bachelor Nation needs to petition for less editing and more real life on this show!

What was up with the mysterious post-script at the end where Chris Harrison (fresh from the underworld) drops off a letter to Andi. It's not in Fairy Tale Binder format, so it can't be Nick. If it's in rhyming format it's maybe by Josh. Guess we'll find out next week! Final Rose, ya'll!!! 

Monday, 14 July 2014

Fantasy (Semi) Sweet Dates: Andi Bachcap Week 9

The exciting fantasy suite dates are here! After endless flashbacks that take forever. Do they think we forgot what happened on the previous episodes. It's not like Inception or some other totally complicated film. I'll take a stab at recapping the journey thus far: Andi likes boys who all love her back. See how speedy that was? This show needs more efficient people on their team.

Nick Writes a Fairy-Tale (or Too Much Free Time for Bachelorette Contestants)

Andi is all, "it's so cute it's your first helicopter ride." Helicopter rides are to this show like plane rides are to the common folk. That private island looks a bit dry from the air, but phew okay once they land. They wore matching bathing suits. It's true love.

When Nick wants to say he loves you, instead he says: "Like, like, um, ya, um, like, um?" He's fooling no one. Andi accompanies his chatter with nervous snacking.

"I'm having difficulty articulating the obvious"
Nick knows he has to tell Andi he loves her. So he writes her a fairy-tale book, of course. That book had freaky pictures. The proportions of the Andi Princess and Nick Prince were wonky. I give the story and illustrations a solid 3rd Grade rating. Maybe he outsourced this task to little sister Bella. Totally possible. The writer (whoever it was) lost momentum near the end of the book - Nick's immediate family members were all stick figures. Because there are 1,000 of them, he is forgiven.

As an aside: The fantasy suite key, are they recycling it between bachelors? ("Andi, can you return that key, we need it for the next guy"). Or did they buy the keys wholesale from Hong Kong and they have a huge box of them in the Bachelor warehouse?

Nick comes off as sweeter and a little funny on this date. I'll be sadder if it's his heart that's crushed in the end. Even though he draws like a 9-year old. Sorry, I meant a really talented 9-year old. We didn't really get a post-mortem after the fantasy suite. Too bad, that was the best part of last season with Andi and Juan Pablo. The editors decide to yadda yadda the overnight portions of the dates.

Baseball is What You Do Everywhere with Josh.

I was wondering why Andi took Josh on the city date - until the baseball field appeared. Up to that point, it was the usual bevy of staged street vendors and dancers. Josh and Andi play baseball with the local children who I hope were paid handsomely for having their game ruined by a couple of Americanos. They hang out, Josh says he loves Andi, and they talk about having kids. Andi says she cannot punish her children. This should be a red flag. Josh will have to be the bad guy while Andi sneaks them candy. Terrible parenting dynamic.

We won at baseball! Take that, Dominican children.
Chris Popularizes Hide-and-Seek for Adults

A preliminary statement: Chris is either the next Bachelor, or he's already engaged/married. Or, he gets home tonight and a gaggle of women are waiting in his corn field ready for Ghost in the Graveyard and awesome family dinners.

On this date, Andi and Chris ride horses, which Andi hates. She says she rode a horse a while ago, later admitting it was 20 years ago when she was in elementary school. Andi, we are not counting pony rides in the mall parking lot. No wonder she's terrified. Andi says the landscape looks like Iowa which Chris finds absurd. There are yaks or cows with horns (what were those things?) and it's super hilly, not at all like Iowa. Andi's unintentional farm humour.

Chris + Equestrian of the Year
Andi says that Chris's family is the best she's ever met. And, Andi's future in-laws now hate her forever. Ghost in the Graveyard is played again. Now I realize it's just hide-and-seek for drunk adults. Chris goes for the tame version - it's daylight and he hides a few feet away. Maybe better so no one steps in yak poop.

In the evening, Iowa is vilified as the state that kills relationships. They keep having to take Iowa out of the equation, like it's a really mean relative named Jimmy who lives in Chris's basement. "Don't consider Uncle Jimmy when you decide whether to marry me! He's negotiable. Except he's totally living with us forever." Uncle Jimmy notwithstanding, Andi's not into Chris enough (unlike every female who watches this show). Chris is sent home to the farm. He takes it with such grace, he's even more loveable. Andi, you're right, your loss. But you can't force love, we all get it. At least your brain totally gets it too.

Chris Harrison Asks Obvious Questions

It was only a week ago, but everyone has pretty much forgotten about the tragedy from last week. It's sad. The machine stops for no man.

Chris asks Andi if she's falling in love. Andi calls the men "The Total Packages" which sounds hilarious. "Come meet my family, Package #1."

Suspenseless and Sweaty: Roses for Two

Dramatic music is played even though Josh and Nick are obviously staying on till next week. It's so hot out there, why'd they make the men stand through this useless ceremony? Couldn't they stage it inside? Andi talks on and on about it being a two-way street when really it's not at all at this point. By the end, Josh is covered in sweat and everyone gets a terrible sunburn.

Coming up Next: An "Emotional" Ending

Next week is the Men Tell All, AKA, why not to act like a Chippendale on national television. The men describe being fired from their jobs because no one takes them seriously anymore.

The final episode is being described as Emotional rather than Dramatic. We see Andi's dad with his trademark skeptical face. He's the only one with any sense around here.

Whoa on that Outtake

Hope you got to see the outtake where Andi and Nick bond over embarrassing moments. I'd like to see more moments like this rather than the "I love you blah blah" filler we get so much of. Andi says she lost an entire dress in a restaurant by tripping. How is that possible and OMG. Nick walked into a wall because he was checking out a girl, mildly amusing. And then they bond over being bed-wetters (seriously they did, this is not a joke). Right before an overnight date. They were duly warned.

See you next week for Men Tell All. Hope Marcus is holding up okay. And Chris. Stay strong, men!

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Hometowns: Andi Week 8

It's a tough week for bachcaps due to the tragic passing of Eric Hill. But, as per the Bachelor(ette) franchise, life must go on? Oh boy, this is already super awkward.

Nick from Milwaukee: And There Were Many

There is one public market in Milwaukee. There is also cheese, cheese hats, and beer. The "Nick and Andi" brew was a nice touch. It tastes like a sweaty forehead with a hint of cheddar. 

I'm having trouble trusting Nick who states that the polka is a "Wisconsin dance." I fact checked this, and the polka indeed hails from Central Europe. Not sure why anyone would want to take credit for this dance.

Nick's mom has children aged 10 to 40. Is that humanly possible? Are we sure that little girl wasn't a grandchild? I can't figure out the math. The mom looks vaguely like Kevin Spacey's wife in House of Cards. FYI, the wall of photos? Totally inspired by the layout in the Milwaukee High School yearbook. 

I know she's just a child, but Nick's little sister Bella is a seriously unreliable reporter. Do not send her on a reconnaissance mission. And she totally didn't catch on when Andi answered a vague, "He's amazing" in response to Bella's, "Do you love my brother?" question. Andi totally out-lawyered a 10-year old. Well played, Andi, well played.

But Andi's most impressive feat: Remembering every name on that wall of 1,000 children. Respect.

Chris from Iowa: The Bachelorette Debut of Ghost in a Graveyard

His town's population is 758, but 759 when Andi visits. The town's so small they count visitors to up their numbers. 

I'm no farming expert, but that field didn't look like it was doing too well. What's Chris farming, anyway? I would totally want to see some footage where he describes his work. Instead, I have to watch a dangerous tractor ride where Andi operates machinery from a man's lap. They are lucky no farm animals were seriously harmed in that risky maneuver. 

Let's toast the death of my crops.
Chris and his family kind of come off great in this hometown. They're nice, but quirky and fun. And Chris himself seems pretty darned amazing: kind, smart, industrious, doesn't talk too much. Selling Iowa, ya'll. Could he be the next bachelor? He's very dateable!

I can't fully buy mom's assertion that "There's no limits for a woman on a farm these days." Sure, no limits, except if you want Chinese food, or a manicure, or an outfit that is neither checkered nor fleecy. 

The fact that Chris's family plays Ghost in the Graveyard as adults is both hilarious and terrifying. I would be very scared to search for someone in dark fields. Just imagine getting lost in the field, and a scarecrow rubs against your clothes, you scream but no one hears, and...where's the bus back to the big city?

Josh from Tampa: Sports Sportsy Sport Sports

One thing's for sure, Josh and Andi look great together. A bit like they're related. 

I know as much about sports as I do about farming, but this whole thing about guzzling sunflower seeds while playing baseball surprised me. Maybe they were just pretending to be seagulls.

A confident post-seed-snack smile. Now that's a MAN.
How can we be at week 8 and we still don't know anything about Josh's current job in Atlanta? We do know that his family is very focused on drafting Josh's younger brother to the NFL. I'd rather play Ghost in the Graveyard every single night than have to watch football every weekend. 

We got to see Josh's softer side, another surprise. He seemed kind of sweet and family-oriented. Not a bad choice either for Andi, but I'm not sure if he could be the next bachelor. Too much sports and not enough transparency regarding current employment status. 

Marcus in Dallas: Guess my Mom's Accent

Marcus, oh Marcus. With those beautiful blue eyes, you don't have to resort to strip routines in the middle of the day, or constant gushing of feelings. You're obviously awesome, serious, and sensitive, even though it's unclear why they were blurring out your underwear during that strip tease. 

Couldn't figure out his mom's accent. Spanish, Russian, Romanian? No clue.

Chris Harrison and All the Awfulness

Seemed kind of wrong to air the part where Chris reveals Eric's death to the group. They could have just summarized the reactions in a little Chris interlude. But instead they choose to be dramatic, leaving a long pause while they wait for Andi to arrive. As an aside, the host's house had a weird set up, the couch seemed too close to the stairs.

So sad, awful, tragic. There are no words.

It was really interesting to see the crew all come out of hiding to hug the contestants. I felt so curious about them. Who was that guy with the really weird beard? And how about the woman who hugged Andi for so long? The reprieve from sappy background music was refreshing. So disappointing when the production staff disappeared and we were back to the glossy over-produced show. I want a reality show about the Bachelorette staff!

The lighting and set up of the rose ceremony was downright funereal. It was all gloomy in there, with a bunch of candles that took on a memorial feel. It felt like someone was going to give a eulogy. So terrible. The tragedy also had a clear impact on wardrobe. Andi was not bedazzled for the first time EVER. Chris and three of the bachelors wore subdued grey suits. Nick did not get the memo and wore a jaunty pink suit with a jolly tie. For this sin, he was called neither first nor second.

Josh is now the leader. Chris was shockingly called second. And Nick, who realizes he is a frontrunner no more, was third.

Poor Marcus had the saddest limo commentary of all time. Don't worry Marcus, you are a total catch. In a few months, women will be falling over themselves to date you. You'll be fine.

Coming Up Next

Andi is caught between her head and heart. I'm guessing that Nick (mental connection) is in her head, while Josh (with his lack of job and sports obsession) is in her heart. And Chris is probably in third place but will for sure be married off in 6 months after all that great PR. Next week: Fantasy suites! Let's hope the men fare better than Juan Pablo did with Andi. See ya'll next week! 

Saturday, 5 July 2014

Bachcap in Belguim: Week 7 for Andi and Her Suitors

Welcome to Belgium! The season of sweaty foreheads continues despite the cool weather. 

Some sartorial notes

Did anyone else notice suspiciously matchy clothing items on the men this week and last? Some of the guys had matching shorts last week, and this week it was sweatshirts. In their free time, if the bachelors are good, they are allowed chaperoned visits to the Gap. 

Everyone is always dressed so formally on the evening dates. It's extreme. I can see why Ashley and JP fell in love on the pyjamas date. 

More man cleavage this week, seen on two frontrunners: Nick in a pink V and Josh in a sweatshirt and later in an unbuttoned white shirt. Andi compensates with very high necklines, leading her to also wear painted on pants. It's a balancing act, ya'll.

Dylan Choo-Choo sported the trademark I Give Up Ponytail. 

Marcus date

On the Bachelorette, there is lots of snacking during the city dates. This is because the untouched dinners are actually made in Japan, moulded from plastic and resin. 

Marcus reveals his deepest family secrets to Andi (AKA, Bachelor Nation plus anyone who can Google him). He is branded "This is a MAN," Andi's greatest compliment and simultaneously the most obvious statement ever. 

Afterward, Nick exposes a hotel security breach. I'm sure he was not at all suspicious with those cameras behind him. Obviously a producer condoned move. 

Close encounters with birds abound.
Still waking up screaming recalling those Venetian pigeons.

Josh date

Highlight: Goose parade. Nothing else happens on this date except Josh's out-cleavages Andi. Then there's a concert where everyone watching looks downright miserable. They were paid to attend, not to smile.

Group date

A welcomed reprieve from slurpy kiss sounds. Thank you, monks. P.S. Congratulations, you are now members of Bachelor Nation! 

Farmer Chris and Andi reenact the pottery scene from Ghost. I always felt that scene was weird because it was really Demi Moore making out with Whoopi Goldberg who is possessed by Patrick Swayze. When Whoopi came out of it, must of been real awkward.

Chris describes going from "Cloud 9 to Nervous Nancy" as he shops for metaphors in the 1950s. 

Brian Basketball's sales pitch for Nick. "He's smarter than me - I guarantee it!" You'll get your money back if Nick is indeed less smart. 

Brian's head is surrounded by flies. 

Nick does some solitary angry grass kicking and then gets a rose and overinterprets its meaning. But monk grass karma kicks him back later, in the form of the Right Reasons interrogation. Brian and Chris play bad cop, while Josh and Marcus play good cop. Although Nick is smarmy, there is not enough evidence to convict. 

Rose ceremony

Andi out-bedazzles herself with a dress made from chandelier crystals. True story: that very dress was commissioned in the early 1980s by a gangster's wife, and was later worn by Blanche on the Golden Girls. 

The home dates go to the obvious choices. I.e., there was no Belgium waffling. I apologize for that joke. 

It was rather cruel of the producers to have Brian's last scene reveal his pickle phobia. That said, no way Hy Dorfman would let his daughter marry a dude who flees from a side of half-sours. 

Coming up next week!

Andi TOTALLY fits in, in Iowa. And sad things. Oh my.

Catch ya'll next week.

Italian Bachcap from Venice: Week 6 of Season of the Sweaty Foreheads

Let's Italian bachcap!

Nick date

Nick is the the Tierra (or Courtney) of the season. That smirk, ugh, for real ya'lls. 

What they did with the touching of the pigeons? Horrifying.

The gondola is real romantic, except for the pissed off gondalier with the cell phone earpiece.

Fodder for my own personal nightmares. 

Group date

And the Italian interpreter says: "We are here to make with you a lie detector test." Andi, why you want to make with them this thing now? Men just get scaring from this.

It's called a polygraph, btw. And many people consider it pseudoscience. And not admissible in many courts. But so fun for dates! 

Worst moment was when Dylan (bad train date) said he did not wash his hands post-bathroom. And lo and behold, he's the one with the stomach virus who has to leave early. Coincidence I think not. He's been through so much in his life and it just got worse. Every girl he'll ever date will now know he's Poppy is Sloppy from Seinfeld.

And back at the pad, Nick and Cody star in the most awkward sauna of all time.

And the rose goes to: Chris Secret Admirer. I'll give him this: pretty nice penmanship.

Bachcap from Marseille: Andi Week 5

Bienvenue à Marseille

How embarrassing, all of them skipping around with the Bone-jur! Merr-cee bow-coup! Not helping diplomatic relations with the French.

Chris's fake laugh scares me. Still think he's the devil. 

Josh date

Andi's clearly smitten with Josh but she's scared he's also a cheater. Only problem: cheaters don't really announce themselves as such. His stories seem a bit vague and fishy to me. But I bet he's final four unless something dramatic happens.

What does Josh do for a living, in the present? Hi, I'd like to introduce myself, I'm Rachel aged 39, former bakery clerk.

For the love of the lord, no more private concerts by Unknown Singer X please! This dude is not popular enough for a Wikipedia page. I checked.

Group date

The miming. Sigh. Stripping, singing, and now miming. Summary: they scared many children. 

Nick is a sourpuss and I'm not liking him. His cheeze-zee letter does not help. 

Andi is good at getting info from the guys and cutting to the chase, but then she has second thoughts and loses all her good judgement. Why Andi, why?

How they do dates in France.