Saturday, 5 July 2014

Bachcap in Belguim: Week 7 for Andi and Her Suitors

Welcome to Belgium! The season of sweaty foreheads continues despite the cool weather. 

Some sartorial notes

Did anyone else notice suspiciously matchy clothing items on the men this week and last? Some of the guys had matching shorts last week, and this week it was sweatshirts. In their free time, if the bachelors are good, they are allowed chaperoned visits to the Gap. 

Everyone is always dressed so formally on the evening dates. It's extreme. I can see why Ashley and JP fell in love on the pyjamas date. 

More man cleavage this week, seen on two frontrunners: Nick in a pink V and Josh in a sweatshirt and later in an unbuttoned white shirt. Andi compensates with very high necklines, leading her to also wear painted on pants. It's a balancing act, ya'll.

Dylan Choo-Choo sported the trademark I Give Up Ponytail. 

Marcus date

On the Bachelorette, there is lots of snacking during the city dates. This is because the untouched dinners are actually made in Japan, moulded from plastic and resin. 

Marcus reveals his deepest family secrets to Andi (AKA, Bachelor Nation plus anyone who can Google him). He is branded "This is a MAN," Andi's greatest compliment and simultaneously the most obvious statement ever. 

Afterward, Nick exposes a hotel security breach. I'm sure he was not at all suspicious with those cameras behind him. Obviously a producer condoned move. 

Close encounters with birds abound.
Still waking up screaming recalling those Venetian pigeons.

Josh date

Highlight: Goose parade. Nothing else happens on this date except Josh's out-cleavages Andi. Then there's a concert where everyone watching looks downright miserable. They were paid to attend, not to smile.

Group date

A welcomed reprieve from slurpy kiss sounds. Thank you, monks. P.S. Congratulations, you are now members of Bachelor Nation! 

Farmer Chris and Andi reenact the pottery scene from Ghost. I always felt that scene was weird because it was really Demi Moore making out with Whoopi Goldberg who is possessed by Patrick Swayze. When Whoopi came out of it, must of been real awkward.

Chris describes going from "Cloud 9 to Nervous Nancy" as he shops for metaphors in the 1950s. 

Brian Basketball's sales pitch for Nick. "He's smarter than me - I guarantee it!" You'll get your money back if Nick is indeed less smart. 

Brian's head is surrounded by flies. 

Nick does some solitary angry grass kicking and then gets a rose and overinterprets its meaning. But monk grass karma kicks him back later, in the form of the Right Reasons interrogation. Brian and Chris play bad cop, while Josh and Marcus play good cop. Although Nick is smarmy, there is not enough evidence to convict. 

Rose ceremony

Andi out-bedazzles herself with a dress made from chandelier crystals. True story: that very dress was commissioned in the early 1980s by a gangster's wife, and was later worn by Blanche on the Golden Girls. 

The home dates go to the obvious choices. I.e., there was no Belgium waffling. I apologize for that joke. 

It was rather cruel of the producers to have Brian's last scene reveal his pickle phobia. That said, no way Hy Dorfman would let his daughter marry a dude who flees from a side of half-sours. 

Coming up next week!

Andi TOTALLY fits in, in Iowa. And sad things. Oh my.

Catch ya'll next week.

No comments:

Post a Comment