Sunday, 25 September 2016

The Bachelorette Canada Recap: Season 1, Episode 2, AKA When Trudeau Hair Isn't Enough

The Bachelorette Canada is turning out to be a kinder, nicer version of the American franchise. What's better as compared to Jojo's season:
  • Jasmine manages to balance a plethora of lovely qualities: authentic, kind, genuine, secure, assertive, and free-spirited. Whatever producer chose Jasmine deserves a raise.
  • There's less manufactured drama, so it's easier to focus on personalities. 
  • Jasmine's often barefoot or in flats, the mood is more relaxed.
  • When Jasmine doesn't like something, she speaks up and the guy gets booted. Words = action!
  • Except for Drew, the guys get along and are self-deprecating, an attitude rarely seen on the American franchise (with Wells and Daniel as notable exceptions). 
  • The aftershow is muuuuuch less obnoxious.
What I like less than the American version
  • Constant product placement for Two Oceans white wine. For $11, this wine can be ALL YOURS.
  • The music.

Spoiler, Jasmine chooses to marry this bottle

This season's the proof that you don't need hysterics and bad behaviour to be interesting. (U.S. politics, take note). Sunny ways! Now for your recap:

Date #1: Thomas and Jasmine's Wild Ride

International model Thomas, his tongue and his hair are all chosen to ride around with Jasmine on a dune buggy. Thomas dresses in primary colours and nothing matches. At least the tank top covers his nipples - at the resort, his tank hung so low it was maybe a belt. 

We learn that Thomas became a model after falling off a roof while working in construction. Let's hope he's steadier on a runway. Okay, that was mean, poor Thomas couldn't walk for 6 months, yikes! Jasmine and Thomas the Tank Model have major chemistry, choo-choo!. Group date rose is a given.

Just wait until he shows you his Blue Steel

Date #2: One Love, One Heart, One Terrible Reggae Performance

Two Jamaican reggae celebs (Tanto Metro and Devonte) coach the suitors as they compose reggae lyrics for Jasmine. There will be a sing-off. In the first group we have Mike, Benoit, Scott and Drew. Drew is buggin' because he's a terrible singer and can't handle losing. In this group, only Benoit charms by singing in French. Jasmine is nice about it, and so are the guys, but the singing is atrocious. Drew deserves to lose for being rude to the reggae dudes when they tried to help his tone deaf a$$. 

Not all the men were Musically Inclined (see it's the name of their album!)

In the second group we have Seth, Kyle, Chris, and Kevin P. Turns out, Chris can sing! The group is funnier and have bette vocal chops; they win more time with Jasmine. Seth intrigues Jasmine by being reserved and sporting Trudeau hair. Then they kiss and....nope it's over due to excessive tongue darting. Kevin P., the vomiting deckhand from last week feels great until he interrupts Jasmine and Seth - they are sitting there so awkwardly that he wishes "his skin had a zipper" (hahaahahaha!) Kevin P. confirms that Jasmine is looking for "THE one" and for this brilliant line of questioning he earns le Group Date Rose. 

Date # 3: Let's Get Physical With Each Other and Not with Jasmine

Andrew, Mikhel, JP, Wale and Kevin W. wrestle each other for Jasmine's heart, Jamaican style. Meaning, two guys stand in a sand circle and first one pushed out loses. Despite being called No-pack Shakur by Wale last week, JP wins. 

JP won this for real

Wale remains good at nicknames and calls Kevin W., Captain Canada. Captain Canada is indeed so solid and earnest, Jasmine feels comfortable enough to share her father's struggles with addictions. For putting Jasmine at ease, he gets the group date rose. 

There's also a game of spin the bottle/Truth or Dare. These are really supposed to be two different games but there's a merge to accommodate the Two Oceans wine product placement. In the aftershow, we learn that Wale had JP strip for the group. Wale likes to sell other dudes to Jasmine, not the best strategy mister.

Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony
Jasmine thinks Mikhel looks like Superman/Clark Kent. David, who was punished for last week's gaffe (he "ruined the moment" after his serenade) stays humble and redeems himself. Seth proves he's no Trudeau by admitting he's never been in love and that he was thinking of other things when he was kissing Jasmine. Somehow he was better when his thoughts stayed all quiet up in his head. Jasmine realizes she's been projecting her hopes onto Seth's blank slate. 

Insert face and personality here


Thomas the Tank Model - Jasmine's digging him. Date rose. TOP PICK!

Kevin P. - Cute deckhand, happily no longer vomiting. Group date rose. 

Kevin W. - Captain Canada. Group date rose. 

Mikhel - Jasmine is very into this cute aviation engineer. TOP PICK!

Benoit - French accent doesn't hurt.

Kyle - Correction from last week, this tall dude's cutie cat is a seal tip rag doll, not a himalayan as I thought. Oops!

Andrew - Sorry, no notes.

David - Served his punishment, super cute, and back in the game. TOP PICK!

Drew - Only has blonde and blue-eyed exes - exes who are all screaming at the screen, "run Jasmine run!" 

JP - Wrestled in high school, buff butler-ing in adulthood.

Scott - His name is Scott. 

Mike - First Impression rose but made no impression this week. Boo :(

Chris - Inventor who can sing and dance and set roses on fire, his talents know no bounds. Next week he does a magic trick and makes Drew disappear (wishful thinking).


Wale - I don't think there was chemistry, but it's still lousy that the only black dude goes home on the second episode, as is common in the American franchise. 

Seth - Trudeau hair will only get you so far. 

See you next week!

Rag doll sitting pretty

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