Monday, 18 May 2015

The Bachelorette Premiere May 18, 2015 - Kaitlyn vs. Britt and their 25 Guys!

The Bachelorette Season 11 premieres tonight! In a controversial twist, Kaitlyn and Britt, from the previous Bachelor season with Chris Soules, battle it out for the Bachelorette title on the first night. The first episode airs Monday from 9 to 11 PM and the second episode airs on Tuesday from 8 to 9 PM. 

"So Kaitlyn will be there too?"

"Is this two Bachelorettes thing a Jimmy Kimmel prank?"

If you're a returning reader, how lovely to see you again! In case you've never been here before, expect recaps focused on the absurdities of this show. No spoilers and the recaps are clean. Meaning, nothing here is NSFW (not safe for work). Go ahead and read this blog at work. Work is seriously overrated. 

Speaking of work, I have a full time job and blogging is just a hobby. Recaps will be up on Tuesday or Wednesday after the show, as fast as I can post them. Bookmark this blog and check back!

In the meantime, here's your list of Bachelors. Info about them is directly quoted from the ABC site. Check it out the ABC website if you don't believe me. Here goes:

Ben H., 26, a software salesman from Denver, CO - Ben H. thinks that marriage is a "total sacrifice." Personally, when I think total sacrifice, I think goats on an altar or a lady in a volcano. It's not that bad Ben H., I promise.

Ben Z., 26, an entrepreneur from San Jose, CA - If he could have lunch with anyone in the world it would be his mom. Awww. That's nice. His mom would choose lunch with Matthew McConaughey but don't tell Ben Z.

Bradley, 25, an international auto shipper from Atlanta, GA - He's fearful that women won't get his "sarcasm." Well, Bradley, if they don't get you, they're not the right match. Or you're too sarcastic.

Brady, 33, a singer-songwriter from Nashville, TN - If he stays, I predict serenading.

Brady likely serenady. And possibly Jimmy Fallon's cousin.

Chris, 28, a dentist from Nashville, TN - His biggest date fear is that his date will eat his food. I hear you, Chris. Once, a date of mine ordered salad then ate french fries off my plate. Just, nope on that behaviour.

Clint, 27, an architectural engineer from Chicago, IL- I liked his answers on the ABC site. Except his favourite movie is Tommy Boy. Don't want to be watching that every weekend.

Tommy Boy and nachos await Clint's future wife

Corey, 30, an investment banker from New York, NY - He calls the Dalai Lama "an enlightened cat." Exactly how the Dalai Lama introduces himself at parties.

Cory, 35, a residential developer from Pearland, TX - Biggest fear is "finding out my date's really a dude." We're all really scared you're secretly a woman, Cory, so it goes both ways you know. Sigh.

Daniel, 28, a fashion designer from Nashville, TN - His most romantic present has been "support and love" because "buying stuff is easy." Don't expect presents from Daniel.

David, 28, a real estate agent from Orlando, FL - His biggest dating fear is that his date is just using him for dinner. Because women love to waste hours of their time for a free dinner. Advice to David: go dutch.

You can split the bill in 2015

Ian, 28, an executive recruiter from Los Angeles, CA - He wants to have lunch with Jimmy Kimmel. It's the Bachelorette, so he may even end up in a hot tub with Jimmy. Fingers crossed for ya, Ian!

Jared, 26, a restaurant manager from Warwick, RI - Volunteers at a summer camp for ill children. That's just nice, dude.

JJ, 32, a former investment banker from Denver, CO - I'm always curious about the people with the "former" jobs. What's the plan, JJ?

Joe, 28, an insurance agent from Columbia, KY - If Joe could choose anyone, he would want to have lunch with his grandmother who just passed away. And he'll get you a great rate on car insurance!

Jonathan, 33, an automotive spokesman, from Detroit, MI - Does this job mean he's the guy standing next to the car on that turning circle thing at an auto show?

Points at the Mazda enthusiastically

Josh, 27, a law student and exotic dancer from Chicago, IL - Guess we know how Josh paid for law school.

Joshua, 31, an industrial welder from Kuna, ID - His biggest date fear is that his mom will walk in and try to blow his nose. Don't think to hard about the Freudian implications of this statement.

Justin, 28, a fitness trainer from Naperville, IL - If he could be anyone for a day, he'd choose to be someone from a less privileged background. Can't make up my mind if I like or hate this answer.

Kupah, 32, an entrepreneur from Boston, MA - To Kupah, being married means, and I quote, "FOOOOOOOORRRRRRRREEEEEEEVEEEEEEEER." If you're 32, it's only 70 years tops, Kupah.

Ryan B., 32, a realtor from Wellington, FL - He biked across the country for a dog rescue. Was there no one local to rescue the pooch?

Goes the doggy distance

Ryan M, 28, a junkyard specialist from Kansas City, MO - His biggest date fear is "the person being terrible." Yup, that sums it up, Ryan M.

Shawn B., 28, a personal trainer from Windsor Locks, CT - I can't tell if he's kidding that One Direction is his favourite musical act. I love that he would want to be The Hulk so he could delight his nephew by saying "HULK SMASH." Hulk likes Shawn B.'s answer.

Shawn E., 31, an amateur sex coach from Ontario, Canada - Your job title is the reddest of flags.

Tanner, 28, an auto finance manager from Kansas City, MO - He loves when his date makes eye contact, and hates when his date gets sloppy drunk. Humble expectations there, Tanner. Think bigger, dude.

Tony, 35, a healer from St. Louis, MO - He admires his mom and thinks marriage means selflessness and growing. Possibly, you're on the wrong show Tony.

Readers, stay tuned for the recap of the premiere and Tuesday's special episode!

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