Tuesday, 4 August 2015

Bachelor in Paradise - Week 1: Epsiode 2 & After Paradise

The guilty pleasures continue! Here are 10 thoughts about Episode 2 (Rose ceremony!) and After Paradise.

1. Tantric yoga (Clare and Mikey) is a really awful first date. The smells, the sweat. I'm gagging.

2. Ashley S. has a boooyfriend! That Dan guy seems pretty normal and cute. We still don't know why Ashley S. went to the ER. Dehydration? Parrot pecking injury? Glad they are showing more sides of her this season. She's an onion, people!

3. Jared looks like his dog just died. He just broke up with Kaitlyn and needs to be home eating ice cream from the container. Instead, he's dealing with a bunch of frantic, insecure drunk people. Not helping!

4. Tenley only kissed JJ to stay on the show. He's not complaining, but that was gross to watch.

5. Kardashley is on Jared-watch. I want to tell her: You are FINE! You just need to stop worrying what guys think of you. No guys are perfect. Look for their flaws, be skeptical. Let them win you over, rather than becoming obsessed with what they think of you. You can't "solidify" a relationship with effort, the best ones are mutual and gradual.

6. An oldie = Tenley at 31 years old? Farmer Chris was 33! He had a 21-year old on his season (Mackenzie mother of Kale). Juan Pablo was also in his 30s and had a 21-year old (Cassandra). No one called those guys old. 

7. Kardashley's sister has perfected bored-face. Girl wants to go home.

8. After Paradise is a combination of a) boring, b) super-awkward and c) cringe-worthy. It's really bad, but I can't look away! Like a soggy burrito, I keep eating but don't know why. I'll just need another activity while watching, maybe nail polish application.

9. The blonde Bachelor tweeter/blogger (Jenny Mollen) on After Paradise was incredibly rude. Maybe she doesn't realize that mean tweets make for awkward conversations. It is not okay to ask newly married, non-pregnant Lacy if she'll breastfeed as a means of commenting on her breast size. I thought that mean comments to contestants was considered bullying - but now the show has its very own bully-host!

10. Mikey's an alpha male who will jack you up and can't read the Clare cues. That said, they were so mean to him on After Paradise. Mikey looked like he was about to cry when the tweeters voted that they'd rather be in the Mexican ER than do yoga with him. Hulk sad :(((

As a final note, having a Bachelor/ette of colour is a great idea, as proposed on After Paradise. Just it can't be Jonathan. The cookie-monster from Andi's season (Marquel) would have been great.

That's all for this week! See you for the next episode.

This cat hates mean tweets

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