Wednesday, 15 July 2015

The Bachelorette with Kaitlyn, Week 9: Home Stretch

This season is a major dramarama! Here's this week's recap:

Still Hatin'

The show starts mid-fight from last week in Enniskillen (Gaelic for And There's Killin') where Shawn confronts Nick in his hotel room calling him manipulative, arrogant and cocky. Nick tries to talk but the green monster of jealousy doesn't like interruptions. What's the point of this discussion?

Sit far from thine enemy

Donkeys of Relaxation

Kaitlyn escapes it all by having a calm date with even-keeled Ben. They ride horses named Chip and Archie and frolic through a donkey field. Then they go to a castle for the non-edible dinner and fantasy suite portion. Ben reveals he just turned 26 and Kaitlyn, at almost 30 is the older woman. I recall last season where Mackenzie (21-year old mother of Kale) was put on the show with 32-year old Farmer Chris. A 4-year difference isn't such a big deal, Ben!

This is the rule for age spreads in dating: Cut your age in half plus 7. Meaning, a 30-year old can date anyone age 22 or up (half of 30 is 15+7 = 22). Therefore, the age spread for Ben and Kaitlyn is fine, but Chris's 32-21 age spread with Mackenzie is not okay. Same rule for women and men. No double standards. It's science, ya'll.

Ben prepares himself for "the best sleepover ever." At least he acknowledges that the overnights are "extremely weird and uncomfortable." More than that, there's something obscene about this parallel dating process where you can only get off-camera time in a "fantasy suite." Somehow we all got used to this weirdness, but whoever thought it up is a maniac.

Nice digs

Ben looked cute leaving in his pyjamas. The morning-after scenes this season are meant to paint Kaitlyn as a loose lady. We know what you are doing, Producers!

Should Have Chosen "Truth"

Shawn and Kaitlyn go golfing on their date. Shawn is forced to dress like a dork. Shawn finds Kaitlyn's golf swing to be "wife" material.  I've only played mini golf, but my swing can be described as "duck now" material. Kaitlyn proposes Truth or Dare and Shawn choses Dare. Kaitlyn then asks Shawn to streak on the golf course. He's wearing long underwear which is hilarious. Maybe he gets cold easily, don't judge. The black box looks way better than that pink and blue number.

Those pants are just, nope

At non-edible dinner, there is more talk of The Other Guy. Remember how Nick sold out Shawn by telling Kaitlyn about an unsavoury night with a country singer. I won't repeat the offensive term used, but basically it means that Shawn had off-camera time with the country singer the same night another guy had off-camera time with the singer. Hmmm, not too different from what this show has each Bachelor/ette do. But no problem for this show, because the gap between fantasy suites is one whole day instead of a few hours. It all makes sense, right?!

Random thought: Do they even bother booking "individual suites" to forgo?

On his morning stroll out of Kaitlyn's room (producers drive home the point- he stayed over), Nick is on Shawn's path. There is yet ANOTHER confrontation between them in a hotel room. But maybe this is just déjà vu from before. Who cares, keep these guys in their cages. Nick is starting to look better because at least he's not foaming at the mouth like Shawn.

We Knew Ben Was a Goner

Pre-rose ceremony, Kaitlyn sits down to talk with Chris Harrison. The front panel of her dress has gone missing. Chris Harrison has great comments like, "Shawn has been jealous." Thanks for the 411, Chris, we hadn't noticed!

I'm doing my best, darnit

The obvious occurs: Nick and Shawn get roses, while Ben is sent home. Like Jared (sparse beard), Ben's a total gentleman as he's escorted to the rejection minivan. You can learn from this, Ian (Princeton grad who will be torn apart at Men Tell All).

There are news reports that Ben's the next Bachelor! Kaitlyn seemed like a rebound relationship for Ben. In the limo, he said that Kaitlyn helped him to have the love feelings again and that he'll miss her. He'll be fine, and I'm more than happy to have more Ben next season!

Fun fact: Both Nick and Ben work in software.

Random comment: I like the Irish-themed music this week.

Post-rose awkwardness

Hometowns are Now Called "Utah Family Meetups"

What happened to Hometowns? Maybe it's just a coincidence and both Nick and Shawn's families live in that Utah hotel. But what are the chances? And we saw that Nick had a family home last season. This season is cheap with the travel budget.

The first Utah Meetup is with Nick's family. They all look on the verge of tears. Nick has "runner-up" written all over him and his mom knows it. Having 20 children makes you wise. Nick compares Kaitlyn with Andi, saying Andi was a leap of faith but Kaitlyn isn't. Whatever you think of Nick, it's hard to watch him being set up for possible humiliation. If he's not chosen, I hope Kaitlyn has the decency to send him home before he proposes.

The biggest beef here is that they dragged young sister Bella back into this gong-show. She's lying on the couch in a fetal position and crying. They should have left her with a babysitter rather than have her ask the, "Do you love my brother" question again. Oy vey.

Observational note: Nick's brothers look like bizarro versions of him. I especially like the quirky nerd version in the middle. Rocking those statement socks, NerdNick!

Observational note #2: Nick's brothers also talk with their hands over their mouths.

It's genetic

Nick is 99% sure that Kaitlyn loves him. He seems really into her, but I can't tell how much of this is tied up with wanting to right the wrong of Andi's season. Nick seems more sincere in this episode.

Kaitlyn says that Nick is in his head, while she's in the moment. That just about explains it. Nick is thinking about how to snag her and Kaitlyn is impulsive. This would make for a bad marriage.

Nick: Hi sweetie, I put those steaks from Costco on the grill.
Kaitlyn: Oops, I saw a sushi shop on my walk home and stopped in to eat.
Nick: But we planned to have the steaks tonight with that bottle of red.
Kaitlyn: Hey, I love this song, let's dance!

Looking in different directions

For Shawn's Utah Family Meetup, he's thinking it'll be hard for Kaitlyn to meet TWO sisters, his dad, and an aunt. After Nick's huge family, not such a big deal. We find out that Shawn had one previous serious relationship. Kaitlyn seems more animated, as if she's trying to impress. But maybe it's just the edit. Who knows what's real anymore. I'm getting jaded, peeps.

Shawn's dad tells it like it is: "What the hell's going on?!? This is nuts!" Well said, Shawn's dad. I like Shawn's dad but I am distracted by something stuck in his nose. Get this guy a tissue!

In summary, both Shawn and Nick have told Kaitlyn they love her. The families are worried, as are us viewers. This show is just plain mean. Someone's getting hurt here. But see you next week, right?!

Next week: Men Tell All! Bachelor Announcement (hopefully)?
The week after: Finale and After the Final Rose

Bachelor in Paradise will be a relief after this heavy season. Premieres August 4!


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